Does anyone else have problems being touched?

How do i tackle these issues?

Does anyone else have problems being touched? I can initiate a hug or a kiss ect but freak out when people touch me. It makes me feel awful because my instant reaction even to my children is to say stop touching me. How awful am i that i can’t bare my children touching me but its ok if i initiate it when i feel like i can. My OCD makes me a really shitty human being. How do i tackle these issues?

Discussion

Nick Young
oh Emma. You aren’t a shitty human. I think this may be to do with personal space. If you initiate a hug, kiss etc, it is on your terms but if you don’t initiate it, it isn’t on your terms and maybe you feel like it’s an invasion of your personal space

Emma Samantha Butler
So its not my OCD then?

Nick Young
it could be part of your ocd. I know I don’t feel comfortable if someone invades my own personal space

Emma Samantha Butler
Its more to do with how clean i feel that person is at the time too. I’m more inclined to show physical affection to children and adults that smell good and have no visible dirt on them. When my little boy has a toilet accident i clear him up. Wash my hands a ridiculous amount of times and anywhere else i feel might have gotten dirty. Then have to avoid any touching until i feel happy that he is clean again. What kind of mother does that!! Also i can’t kiss my own fiancé because sometimes he smells less than perfect or i worry about bacteria coming from his mouth to mine (sorry tmi) i’m sick of this stupid bloody illness now, i just want to be normal. My whole family are going to hate me by the time they have grown up!

Emma Samantha Butler
Andy will leave me soon enough anyway, i wouldn’t be able to hack being with someone like me. My daughter longs so much for a mum who hugs and kisses her, instead she gets me. Also all my kids are sick so
I’m freaking out about them all having meningitis and dying. I AM EXHAUSTED. Two days i’ve had no sleep and it looks like this one isn’t going to be any better.

Emma Samantha Butler Sorry

Emma Samantha Butler Man i have issues

Nick Young
we all have issues. OCD is a bugger especially when it is to do with contamination like ours. At least you can change children’s accidents. I’m sorry to hear your kids aren’t well either. The other side of ocd is rearing its head with these thoughts about your precious little ones dieing

Emma Samantha Butler
Its every night at the moment Nick. I actually go through the feeling that they are gone sometimes. It all plays out in my head like the worst horror movie you can imagine( sorry about the dramatics) do you go through the same thing?

Nick Young
I do worry about family dieing but not to that extent. I think you need to talk to both your partner and your gp about these things. I can understand the contamination issues as I’m the same. I don’t know how you cope with it all. I’d be running a mile at the sight/thought of dirty nappies/underwear

Emma Samantha Butler
I cope because i have to, it causes me a huge level of anxiety though. I do palm the poop off on my other half where ever possible. I’m very good at cleaning them up and leaving no mess behind but i still feel contaminated so i wouldn’t be able to eat or touch food until my hands feel clean again. Its strange even when i don’t have any dirt on me i feel like i do. I can sense it on my skin ( even though it may not be there)

Nick Young
I always worry about contamination from poop. When I use bathroom, it takes me almost 40 minutes to do my routine. I wash my hands at least 35 times with anti-bac wash and gel too.

Emma Samantha Butler
Also i feel like coming out of my OCD closet. I’m fighting against myself to just let it out and tell everyone. Then the people at school wouldn’t judge me for being late every single day and assume i’m just lazy.

Emma Samantha Butler
I can’t use the gel anymore, my eczema has gotten so bad even the normal carex stings to use. I use double bass cream as much as i can but thats not helping as i worry about chemical contamination from that!!

Emma Samantha Butler
What would you do if you were in my situation?

Nick Young
to be honest, I don’t know. When I told certain people that I thought I could trust about my ocd, they buggered off and didn’t want to know me. It still has this stigma attached to it that not everyone can understand. I do kinda know how you feel and I’m sure your partner won’t leave you if you sat down with him and explained how you feel and why you have these thoughts/compulsions

Emma Samantha Butler
He can’t talk about it, he gets upset and angry (not at me). It scares me so i don’t talk about it unless i’m upset when it all gets too much. He loves me for me though (most of the time) even though i’m horrible. Sucker for punishment. As you can tell i’m on a real downer tonight. How is your life treating you?

Emma Samantha Butler
Also he told me not to tell anyone…

Nick Young
does it help talking to someone outside of your normal social circle Emma? I sometimes feel a bit better after talking to people here and venting my feelings. I’m ok but something new has popped up in this past few days

Emma Samantha Butler
Do you want to talk about it?

Nick Young
I’ll message you

Emma Samantha Butler Ok

Lynne Dyke X James
Hey Emma, how old are your children? Have you sat down with them and told them you love them and will always be there but sometimes you can’t always hug when they want to. You will be surprised at how perseptive they can be. Your boyfriend obviously knew how you were when you met, he loves you unconditionally so do your kids. You are a human being huni, with feelings and need support not criticism. Big HUG for you, hang in there. Xx

Emma Samantha Butler
They are nine, three and nine months. The biggest issue is with my three year old as he is so clingy and i can’t handle it at all. We talk all the time and play games and sing songs but sometimes he just wants to sit and cuddle me but i can’t. Thanks for your support its really kind of you. Its very hard sometimes. Plus OCD has stopped me sleeping at all for the last three days so i’m more susceptible to feeling depressed i guess. I just don’t know how to make myself feel better, for myself and for my kids…

Sandra Greechan
Hi Emma, I am sure they know you love them even though you cannot cuddle them. The older they get the more they will be able to understand why you have the difficulties you have. I struggle with people touching and moving my personnel possessions among other things and have no problems with people touching me or me them. My kids have grown up with the fact that this is how mum is but now at the ages of 17 and 15 they are more understanding as to the reasons behind it and are even helping and supporting me with the help of Young Carers (I have a physical disability too) to make small achievable changes. Don’t beat yourself up about it, they will love you because you are their mum! x

Emma Samantha Butler
Thank you Sandra, Lynne and Nick you really helped me out guys.