How come nobody want’s to be my friend

I don’t want to live like this anymore

I just don’t know how to stop feeling the way I feel. I live in a foreign country with my BF, who’s amazing. I lived in many countries before, always had a lot of friends, going out every weekend, coffies, drinks, trips,plans. I live in Spain with him for almost 3 years and I dont have a single friend. It’s friday and I’m the only one stuck at home ’cause I have no friends and I would love to go grab a drink with somebody… everybody has their own plans. I just absolutely broke today..and’ ve been crying for hours now because I miss having a social life and feel sorry for myself. I don’t want to live like this anymore. My Bf says -you have me and that’s great but I really need some socialisation, I can’t get used to this it’s making me suffer so much…and more with time..
Today I was happy it’s friday as I was leaving work and I actually sat down on a terase and had a beer on my own. And I just feel so sorry for myself I feel like there is no joy in living like this and I don’t know how or why I’m in this situation for so long. What”s wrong with me? How come nobody want’s to be my friend here?
P.S. I have many friends from my native Country and previouse countries I’ve lived in that I can talk to when ever I want. I just can’t admit to something so miserable as ” having no friends”


Discussion


Deanna Pino
There’s nothing wrong with you! You are lonely and human nature thrives on having friends and that connection. Is there a way you can meet some people?

Tina Kupinić
Deanna Pino my bf has a group of 22 friends and I have met their girlfriends for example.. In Navarra it’s common to have “cuadrillas”,groups of friends usually formed at early age and they are like family, closed group. So everyone is really nice to me always, I did have a drink with someone some time, but that’s it, and not for the last year or two..They have their own plans during weekends. And I usually sit here and pitty myself. My Bf usually stays here with me or takes me out to have drinks with him and I’ve noticed I started talking a lot, and get super excited about just going for a quick drink in the neighbourhood. I don’t like the lonely me. It’s just humiliating

Deanna Pino

Tina Kupinić don’t feel humiliated. Everyone gets lonely! Is there an app where you can maybe meet people? Sometimes you have to push yourself to go out and do it.

Nichole Michelle
I know how hard that can be. Where did you move to? Was it for his work?

Tina Kupinić
Nichole Michelle I’m Croatian and he’s Spanish. We met In Ireland, we lived together in Malta and decided to settle down in Spain. I was all up for it because I knew I will learn the language quickly and we were sure I’ll make friends in no time. And yeah. I just work and spend time with him or alone. Not a life I imagined I guess. I finished working today and thought, why am I happy it’s Friday? I have nothing to do anyways, no one to meet, nothing to talk about 🤷🏼‍♀️ just came home put the pijamas on and started crying rivers.
INichole Michelle
Tina Kupinić I don’t blame you finally having to spend time alone with your partner. After having a social life with friend’s. Spanish people are wonderful and friendly if you can go out on your own. Staying at home with a dog or cat or watching your favorite shows. Going for a walk.

Katrina M. Werner
Tina I understand you well as I’m an immigrant myself. It’s hard to find new people especially during covid. It’s great that you know what you need; more social contact. Now let’s think how you can get it. Are there any zoom meetup groups you can attend? Maybe you like to hike or cycling. There are special groups for people sharing the same interest.

Tina Kupinić
Katrina M. Werner yeah there are for example English speaking groups, I am I guess a very proud person and I have the prejudice that “that’s for people who can’t make friends”but I guess I am that people now. I also had a long stage of saying I don’t want friends and that I’m happy alone..but I think It’s just my pride or defence mechanism..
I might have to do something about it. I was just recently diagnosed with mild depression and I feel like that’s the reason why

Katrina M. Werner
These defence mechanisms have the goal to keep us safe, yet sometimes they keep us miserable. 😞

Julie Swanger Brooks
I agree with finding a group on an app or on Facebook locally with ppl who like similar things as you. The English speaking group you mentioned would be a perfect start! There may be ppl there that HV a similar story of moving there from another country and had to learn the language and make friends. If you hv a hobby maybe there’s a group for that. If you like animals or helping ppl or like to sing, etc there are places that maybe need volunteers such as an animal shelter or senior center. How were you able to make friends in the other places you lived? Depression makes you not want to do things and then you get depressed because you’re not doing things. I get it but you HV to push yourself. I moved to a boyfriend’s area for 2 years and never made a friend of my own I did things with him and his friends but was depressed I didn’t Hv any of my own. I finally had to realize that maybe him and that area was not working out because it wasn’t God’s plan for me. I gave it up and moved back to my hometown where I had friends and met the most incredible man I will marry someday. At the end of the day, you cannot continue like this and need socialization. Perhaps Spain isn’t your forever and discussions and decisions will need to be made for your happiness. You only get one shot at life so do and be what and where you’re happy.

Lyndon Shryko
Go to the gym. Easy place to meet people.

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