How to handle a relative with OCD

Seeking advice and suggestions on OCD

I need some advise on how to handle a relative with OCD, and how to go about discussing with him.
My future brother-in-Law has severe OCD, anxiety and severe IBS. He’s been badly sick 2 times since I’ve moved into the house he shares with my fiancé. My fiancé and I had an argument surrounding his brothers lack of anything (cleaning, dishes, treatment), and I think my fiancé enables him. He said he doesn’t want to bring things up with his brother because it always turns into an argument.
I don’t really have any type of relationship with the future brother-in-law, so I don’t know if I should address anything or how to bring topics up. I understand there’s no cure but there’s treatment plans and methods of how to manage certain behaviors. We are all older (30-40’s), and my fiancé and I are getting married in 3 weeks. This is becoming a more frequent topic, and turning into an issue for us as a couple. He (fiancé) doesn’t think he’s got a communication problem, but he does. I think he also completely avoids talking about serious issues, which is not healthy.
Seeking advice and suggestions on:

1. How to talk to BIL (brother in law) about chores/cleaning around the house.
2. His general and overal mental health
3. What I can do or learn to help, or handle it.
4. Talking about my fiancé to help build a bridge to discuss this topic in a healthy constructive way.
5. Personally coping with it and it’s symptoms.
   Thank you so much. I want to learn, but definitely need some advice from people who have dealt with this. I’m open to feedback.

Discussion

Frank Addelson
Definitely but a few high rated ocd books online. He won’t improve if he doesn’t want to.

Marjan Zadeh
Frank how can I bring the topic up? How does one cope? The 3 of us live under the same roof.

Frank Addelson
Marjan Zadeh It depends what his OCD is. Which compulsions and obsessions he has.

Rachael Stickells
I feel if you don’t have a good relationship with him yet.. avoid conversations on his mental health. Start slow, positive… ask him how he likes his tea, sit down together and drink tea. Talk about things around the house. It’s hard to open up about mental health. Let you all focus on the good then introduce the topic on the others.

Marjan Zadeh
Rachael yes, thank you. I agree. I need to build a positive relationship first. Frank I don’t know what or which compulsions he has.

Frank Addelson
Marjan Zadeh Learning what his ocd is should help you seek more advice.
Ultimately though ocd is overcome with exposure and acceptance. You’ll probably need a professional to help or as said above a much closer relationship.

Beth Myers
I would be careful on this one. I understand you all have to live in the same house, but this stands to cause major issues between you and your future husband if you are not extremely sensitive to everyone’s needs. I will be honest with you. As a person who has OCD, I felt your post was very judgmental toward the BIL. That is the last thing anyone with a mental health issue needs. People who are fortunate enough to never have to suffer with this just cannot understand the day to day agony one lives with. I honestly think you need to work on a relationship with the BIL before you have any type of rights to talk about something so personal. Otherwise, let his brother handle it or find another place for the two of you to live. Starting a new marriage living with family can be stressful for anyone- OCD or not.

Ru Wood
Beth Myers while I understand what you are saying, it is very difficult to live with someone with OCD. I would tell
Marjan Zadeh that 1) get a therapist who specialized in ocd /cognitive behavioral therapy. They may be able to help you broach this topic 2) if you cannot broach with BIL, you must be able to with your fiancé. You should go to couples counseling. 3) if you can’t deal with BIL OCD then you have every right to be happy and perhaps you decide to move out with fiancé.
Your happiness matters too and like Beth said, you won’t understand the hardship BIL is going through. This will likely help you avoid a huge fight and possible tension in your relationship with BIL

Beth Myers
Ru Wood you are so right. OCD impacts every single person. It’s such a miserable thing. Just make sure to have that positive relationship established before you talk about this. It’s likely not going to go well without established trust.

Ru Wood
Beth Myers that’s such a good point in life
In general!

Marjan Zadeh
Beth and Ru, you are correct. I was/am judgmental. I understandably a small portion of what OCD is. I agree that I think a therapist would be able to help me, as well as my relationship with my fiancé. The BIL is NOT the problem, I think the problem is how my fiancé doesn’t communicate with me on what it is and how/what’s the best way to work with it or around it.